By Ron Petrie
The Leader-Post
Whenever somebody asks which of the two remaining teams in the Stanley Cup playoff is my favourite, I don't hesitate.
Something-something, I mutter inaudibly, and then, when somebody says, "Come again?" I cough-mumble into my fist -- kawf-wawf-awf, ghnenitawf -- and then, when the somebody cups his ear and asks, "Eh?" I turn and walk.
Make me out to be anything less than a patriotic Canadian, will he?
My team is: The unfortunately named Ottawa Senators.
There. I wrote it. I am fully in support of the hockey club from the nation's capital. I pass the test of true citizenship, the choice of allegiance in the ongoing debate about which North American nation, Canada or the United States, produces the most skilled entertainment corporations with enough good sense to hire Saskatchewan boys as its hockey players. That, too, could be the Anaheim Ducks, but bottom line is that Ottawa represents my home nation.
Despite the moniker.
Listen, Ottawa is one of the finest cities in Canada. Unfortunately, in my line of work (journalism) (seriously), the word " Ottawa" is grammatically acceptable shorthand for all that plagues human existence, a euphemism for the f-word (federal government). "Group blames Ottawa for childhood obesity" is a headline you read all the time. "Weekend forecast for more rain as Ottawa stalls on climate change." When Ottawa goes year after year without a lick of success controlling the weather or getting the damn fat kids out of our sight, editorialists opine: "Ottawa: What a bunch of big, dumb stupidheads."
On the battered town name, I empathize. Through no fault of its current-day population, Regina happens to be a provincial capital, likewise plagued with the doings of parliamentary democracy.
Whenever I'm out in the country, I often hear the name " Regina" spoken derogatorily. "Whoa, whoa! Watch where you're going, you big stupid, dumb Reginan, or you'll step right in that steaming pile of fresh Regina. What, you got Regina for brains?" And all merely because Saskatchewan people living outside of Regina send many, many thousands of dollars of their personal money to the city every year in the form of taxes for no discernible product or service in return, if you can imagine their pettiness.
The stigma glommed to the name "Regina" was in fact, probably, why the football team officially changed its name in 1950 from "Regina Roughriders" to "Saskatchewan Roughriders," by which it has been known ever since, with the occasional exception outside the city when the name reverts conversationally to "Regina Roughriders" prefaced by an extremely rude adjective, but then only during periods of disappointing on-field results (1977-1988, 1990-present). Only through the mercy of fate was this city's name ever changed from the original townsite's "Pile o' Bones," which would have made residents today "Pile o' Boners," rich material indeed for government-inspired sarcasm, put-down and derision.
I feel for Ottawa. Even when you get past the federally sullied placename, you then have to deal with the second half, the, ahem, "Senators."
In the past two Stanley Cup finals, climbing aboard the fan wagon of the Canadian teams was a blast. In 2004, you had the Calgary "Flames," the sort of nickname that got a fellow bobbing and weaving to the arena's public-address as it blasted Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" after every victory. Then, in 2006 (the 2005 playoffs were cancelled, remember, on account of the greed), Canada was represented by the Edmonton "Oilers," a he-man occupation toasted in song by "Roughest Neck Around" by Corb Lund and the Hurtin' Albertans. But "Senators?" What tunes put a fellow in mind of non-elected, ineffective life-long political skank? How many plodding oom-pah tuba solos are there, set to one-four time?
I know, I know. The Ottawa Senators took their name from the original Ottawa Senators of the early 1900s, which in turn were named not for the life forms of the Canadian senate, but for the governing council of the Roman Empire. Psychotic Ottawa fans even wear the toga, shields and crested helmets of the brave Roman centurion. Hey, whatever helps with the denial. If my football team was likewise called, say, the "Saskatchewan MLAs," believe me, I would be the first to claim the nickname is mispronounced, that it's actually the "Saskatchewan Emilys," and what's more, I would go to games wearing a floral granny dress, a shawl and a hearing horn in my left ear, if only to convince myself.\
Anaheim Ducks. Ottawa Senators.
Anaheim is Disneyland. Ottawa is the federal government. Ducks are cute and fun and popular. Senators are ... well, occasionally duck-shaped, from the waist down. Senators survive by compulsory taxation, not by voluntary donation. There is no Senators Unlimited.\
On the other hand, Ottawa is not Toronto.
Good enough for this Canadian.
Go, Sens, go.
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